There are periods where suffer from insomnia. This week was one of those. My mind is ready to sleep but it feels like my body is not and I end up turning around in my bed for hours. Sometimes i give up on trying to sleep as i did on Friday . Instead I try to be productive. Usually I would read books from the list of classics i need to read before I die.
During those agitated nights I remember better my deamins than usual which I made notes on.
I spend a lot of time on youtube.
But I actually don't watch my screen all the time.
I listen to podcast, or ASMR to fall asleep and let it run a big part of the night.
I listen to playlists for hours while I'm reading.
Detox day: Sunday
On Sunday I decieded to not watch any kind of screen. So the previous day before going to sleep I shut down my computer and my phone and didn't touched them until Monday morning.
I spend my whole day in my bed, reading "L'art de la fugue" by Stephen McCauley. The most difficult thing form me was not having access to music. I like to have instrumental music in the background when I read.
I did this detox to see if I could sleep better without watching any screen. And in fact I didn't wake up in the middle of the night as I usually do, but it my be because I didn't sleep at all on Friday and was still tired.
I self-diagnosed my insomnia as being the result of my social anxiety which is itself mainly caused by my dysphoria. I'm in a constant stress due to this dysphoria and that's why I tend to avoid people as much as I can. I would probably need to see a therapist but I haven't find the courage yet.
" Dysphoria is a profound state of unease or dissatisfaction. In a psychiatric context, dysphoria may accompany depression, anxiety, or agitation. The term is often used to refer to gender dysphoria, experienced by people whose gender identity does not align with their sex assigned at birth, and who may undergo sex reassignment surgery. Common reactions to dysphoria include emotional distress; in some cases, even physical distress. The opposite state of mind is known as euphoria. "